Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Cali


3 year ago we said goodbye to this little angel. She was so beautiful. She was perfect. She was ours. We loved her with everything we had. We gave her everything we could. We did everything suggested by her medical team and even still after 7 short days we lost her. 3 years doesn't seem like a long time but it already feels like forever since I held my first born in my arms. It feels like forever since I held her and rocked her and worried so much over her comfort. Watching the videos we have of Cali today made me realize somethings. She was tiny. Even at 8lb 6.5oz she was still a little baby. Cali never felt small to me. That makes me sad. I had never thought I'd want anyone in the delivery room except the doctors and Thomas but I am so so grateful that mom and Carrie got stuck and stayed. Carrie recorded Cali's birth (from above my shoulder) and I am so so grateful that we have that. It keeps my connection to Cali and I love it. 3 years ago we let her go. I miss her a lot today and last week her birthday was much more emotional than I expected. But day in and day out life moves on. I make a real effort to teach Summer that she has a sister and she loves the Cali books I've made, but like I was told early on grief is  like waves, at first they come strong and often and soon they become less and less frequent. And that is the sad truth. I love my Cali girl. I wish more than anything to have her in my life. To watch her grow and play. To know her first words and her personality. But for now I just have my few cherished memories, pictures and videos. This is a favorite of mine. I hope you enjoy some of her sweetness. 

video

6 comments:

Julie said...

Thanks for posting this. Cali's Grandpa and Grammy Orrock loved seeing little Cali tonight.

Alyssa/Jo said...

Sweet sweet Cali. It's amazing how much they touch our lives no matter how short they are on this earth. Thanks for sharing.

M. Dahl said...

Such a beautiful little girl. Thinking of you and your family. Love ya!

Michelle said...

So sweet. I loved it. Thinking of you all.

Karen said...

Such a precious girl! This made me cry...how my heart aches for your heart! Photos and videos are such a blessing for moments like these!

Meg said...

How beautiful. Thanks for sharing this Adrienne. I just found out that some dear friends' unborn baby girl has been diagnosed with transposition of the great vessels and will have to undergo open heart surgery in her first week of life. They, like you and Thomas, have been such great examples of faith in the Lord. Thanks again for sharing.