Monday, June 20, 2011

3 outfits

I was organizing Summer's closet today (edit: I wrote this last week, and am just now posting!). That girl has a lot of clothes! She has a beautiful room with pictures of her on the walls. She has toys she loves to chew on and play with. She has a whole house that is hers, that holds her little life.

Cali has a pink bin. In the top of Summer's closet. She has 3 outfits in that pink bin.

A flower layette 
Her cherry outfit she wore in
this video
"50% mommy 50% daddy 100% cute"
Her last outfit




I saw the bin sitting there. I see it all the time. I can see it from the rocker in Summer's room. But for some reason today I decided I wanted to go through it. I got it down and  one by one unfolded and held each of her outfits. Each one has so much feeling associated with it- the flower one she wore when she opened her eyes for us! The cherry one was the first one she wore- the first time we got to dress her and of course it's the one she's wearing in our Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep pictures. The last one was given to us by the hospital to put her in after we bathed her for the last time. Sometimes I just wonder what she'd be like. She'd be turning 2 this year! TWO! My little girl! She'd be walking, probably talking and if she's anything like Summer wouldn't be letting me sit at the computer to type this! I wish I could have seen her smile. A real smile. I wish I could have felt the kind of joy I feel with Summer every day. The days I had with Cali were so scary, so hard that I didn't have the chance to love her freely. Without feeling fear close behind.

I miss this little girl. I do. I miss her like crazy some days. And other days I feel a sweet peaceful love for her. A love for the time I did get with her. A great appreciation for all that her short life has taught me. Cali has increased my gratitude and love. And everyday I know that I am a better mom to Summer because of my experience with Cali.

So I folded up her 3 little outfits and placed them back in her bin. I grabbed Summer and hugged her and danced with her and told her how much I love her and how much I love her big sister! I wiped the tears away (which I need to do again now! lol!) and thanked Heavenly Father for the all the memories that fit in that tiny pink bin!

6 comments:

Aimee Hardy said...

Thanks for sharing this sweet post. Now I have to wipe a few tears myself. Cali touched many lives on her short journey.

jlbunting.com said...

Oh, you gave me chills. You have such a way with words.

The Ballards said...

Your example has taught me a lot about appreciating each day. So thank you! You have two beautiful daughters! Thanks for sharing this Adrienne!

A womb for rent said...

I will never forget her Cherry outfit... That was the day I met a amazing girl who faught to spend as much time as she could with her Mommy and Daddy. Then of course I met an amazing family that I love, adore and miss :)

The Wiseman Life said...

You have me bawling. Such a sweet and tender post. I love you!

Dustin and Aimee said...

Thanks for sharing your sweet moments. I became choked up. It's hard to understand but I feel like I can understand a bit more now that I have my little Hadley. You've helped me appreciate my time with her even more.