Monday, June 20, 2011

3 outfits

I was organizing Summer's closet today (edit: I wrote this last week, and am just now posting!). That girl has a lot of clothes! She has a beautiful room with pictures of her on the walls. She has toys she loves to chew on and play with. She has a whole house that is hers, that holds her little life.

Cali has a pink bin. In the top of Summer's closet. She has 3 outfits in that pink bin.

A flower layette 
Her cherry outfit she wore in
this video
"50% mommy 50% daddy 100% cute"
Her last outfit

I saw the bin sitting there. I see it all the time. I can see it from the rocker in Summer's room. But for some reason today I decided I wanted to go through it. I got it down and  one by one unfolded and held each of her outfits. Each one has so much feeling associated with it- the flower one she wore when she opened her eyes for us! The cherry one was the first one she wore- the first time we got to dress her and of course it's the one she's wearing in our Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep pictures. The last one was given to us by the hospital to put her in after we bathed her for the last time. Sometimes I just wonder what she'd be like. She'd be turning 2 this year! TWO! My little girl! She'd be walking, probably talking and if she's anything like Summer wouldn't be letting me sit at the computer to type this! I wish I could have seen her smile. A real smile. I wish I could have felt the kind of joy I feel with Summer every day. The days I had with Cali were so scary, so hard that I didn't have the chance to love her freely. Without feeling fear close behind.

I miss this little girl. I do. I miss her like crazy some days. And other days I feel a sweet peaceful love for her. A love for the time I did get with her. A great appreciation for all that her short life has taught me. Cali has increased my gratitude and love. And everyday I know that I am a better mom to Summer because of my experience with Cali.

So I folded up her 3 little outfits and placed them back in her bin. I grabbed Summer and hugged her and danced with her and told her how much I love her and how much I love her big sister! I wiped the tears away (which I need to do again now! lol!) and thanked Heavenly Father for the all the memories that fit in that tiny pink bin!


Aimee Hardy said...

Thanks for sharing this sweet post. Now I have to wipe a few tears myself. Cali touched many lives on her short journey. said...

Oh, you gave me chills. You have such a way with words.

The Ballards said...

Your example has taught me a lot about appreciating each day. So thank you! You have two beautiful daughters! Thanks for sharing this Adrienne!

A womb for rent said...

I will never forget her Cherry outfit... That was the day I met a amazing girl who faught to spend as much time as she could with her Mommy and Daddy. Then of course I met an amazing family that I love, adore and miss :)

The Wiseman Life said...

You have me bawling. Such a sweet and tender post. I love you!

Dustin and Aimee said...

Thanks for sharing your sweet moments. I became choked up. It's hard to understand but I feel like I can understand a bit more now that I have my little Hadley. You've helped me appreciate my time with her even more.