Cali has a pink bin. In the top of Summer's closet. She has 3 outfits in that pink bin.
|A flower layette|
|Her cherry outfit she wore in|
|"50% mommy 50% daddy 100% cute"|
Her last outfit
I saw the bin sitting there. I see it all the time. I can see it from the rocker in Summer's room. But for some reason today I decided I wanted to go through it. I got it down and one by one unfolded and held each of her outfits. Each one has so much feeling associated with it- the flower one she wore when she opened her eyes for us! The cherry one was the first one she wore- the first time we got to dress her and of course it's the one she's wearing in our Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep pictures. The last one was given to us by the hospital to put her in after we bathed her for the last time. Sometimes I just wonder what she'd be like. She'd be turning 2 this year! TWO! My little girl! She'd be walking, probably talking and if she's anything like Summer wouldn't be letting me sit at the computer to type this! I wish I could have seen her smile. A real smile. I wish I could have felt the kind of joy I feel with Summer every day. The days I had with Cali were so scary, so hard that I didn't have the chance to love her freely. Without feeling fear close behind.
I miss this little girl. I do. I miss her like crazy some days. And other days I feel a sweet peaceful love for her. A love for the time I did get with her. A great appreciation for all that her short life has taught me. Cali has increased my gratitude and love. And everyday I know that I am a better mom to Summer because of my experience with Cali.
So I folded up her 3 little outfits and placed them back in her bin. I grabbed Summer and hugged her and danced with her and told her how much I love her and how much I love her big sister! I wiped the tears away (which I need to do again now! lol!) and thanked Heavenly Father for the all the memories that fit in that tiny pink bin!