So my last post was somewhat vague. I was so excited I wanted to get the news out but didn't have time to give the details.
We are due with # 2 August 27, 2010 (just 4 days before Cali's due date last year!) We were so surprised when we found out we were expecting again so soon as it had taken some time to get pregnant with Cali. On Tuesday we had a fetal echo to look at the baby's heart and it looked great! The doctor (and Thomas and I!) could see all 4 chambers of the baby's heart which completely rules out a defect like Cali's. He looked at all angles and looked for anything abnormal and didn't find a thing! He told us when we move to San Antonio we should find an OB and that's it! We don't need a perinatologist (high risk OB) or cardiologist or any other doctor!
I don't know when I have ever felt this much joy. Losing Cali, my first little baby, was devastating. I had never known how much hurt my heart could feel. Just how much pain could exist in one person. Having experienced such deep pain, sorrow, loss, truly gives you the ability to feel such high joy. I just keep thinking about a verse I had quoted a few months ago, "yea, my soul was filled with joy as was exceeding as was my pain!" (Alma 36:20) I am learning about that and it is truly a miraculous, amazing thing. I thank God daily for His love. This new healthy baby growing inside me has renewed my faith in the mercy, kindness, and goodness of God and this life. There is the struggle of knowing that I am moving forward without Cali. That I will never in this world be together with my little family at once. But I know that Cali is with her little brother or sister right now and I know that she will continue to be a part of our little family in ways I can't even imagine now.
Thank you all for your love! The only thing that makes my joy sweeter is sharing it with others and feeling of their love and happiness too!
PS a couple posts ago I received many comments telling me not to retire the blog etc. I apologize for giving that impression. What I had meant to say was that I have used this blog for outwardly grieving Cali and I'm just not sure that I want that anymore. So I will be posting more about our day-to-day life, what's new and what's going on, rather than my grief and healing. I thought by giving a little disclaimer it would make the transition easier. :)